This morning I got a call saying that Chloe the new couch is being delivered tomorrow!
I only had one problem. The big broken low-rider couch was still in the living room. Since I really want Chloe to feel welcome, I had to get this thing out of here. So I called my condo management company. Who gave me the number of our trash disposal company. Who said that I could not just put the couch out on the curb with the trash in the morning. (Oh, can't I?) They said they wouldn't pick it up. (Oh, won't they?) They said I must first send them a check for one million dollars (ok, eighty bucks, but just as ridiculous), then call to schedule a day that I would be allowed to haul the old broken couch out to the curb for them to pick up.
Clearly they did not know who they were dealing with. I am both impatient and cheap. There was no way I was playing their game.
Unrelated: have you ever wondered how many trash bags it would take to hold a dismantled ikea couch?
The answer is seven.